It’s always easier to go out and do the work than it is to sit inside your head wondering why it is you stayed in. Easier to suit up and feel the bike run it’s course. In return, the lights open up a bit and allow too many thoughts to flood, if I had time to process all of them the rides would never happen. Better to have darkness with a narrow tunnel with which to focus on. I’m not a fan of night rides, I instead like the early out, the crisp morning cooled all night after sunset and the spooky sounds and fooled eyes that come with it. Something about riding at 4 am that makes 10 pm seem easier, less of a challenge. Only I know if I did it, no accountability beyond the handlebar, pedals and saddle. The gap grows after each lost mile or short meal eaten on the bike. Letting it go in favor of more miles.
I keep battling my own rides on the dirt, when in reality there isn’t anything new, instead of shouting for recognition I have to seek anonymity, Brendan nails it, the data is addicting. When riding alone my own ghosts and demons aren’t enough, I go home and see who else flogged themselves on that route to beat the best. Rides these days lack what I started riding for in the first place, solitude. I think it’s time to take social media out of the ride, iPhone & Garmin stay home, ride to get lost in thought, disconnect from Strava, suffer properly in solitude.
Arcane routes that should remain private, just a stopwatch, a private effort, I think I’ll unplug a while, I’m pretty sure no one else cares what I’m up to, I barely do.
It’s part of the puzzle, the pieces fit differently everyday. Some days it’s more of a jig saw puzzle with very orderly, specific locations for each, non-elastic. Then, other days it almost like a bucket of dough just in need of being filled, with amorphous shapes pushing out the air bubbles-that’s the free time.
Easing into the days can allow you to figure out which one it is. Which day will it be? The specific order one that gets you from off your pillow to the same place 16 hours later with a settled head or an uneasy denouement to your day. I vacillate, functioning on both sides.
It was a little tough at first but climbing in the dark not only was easier but also made the icy trail, mid 20s temp and 4:45 am ride a touch warmer. Crappy lights and a weird motivation came on at 4 when I crawled out of bed. Not anything more than a dark open window with which to pedal through. In a few spots the still frozen dirt and snow had bermed up giving a yet unrealized confidence to pedal and carve. Eager and satisfied the end came and only espresso fixed the return to the loudness of being inside.
There wasn’t any eloquence, no natural ability, if there was it would’ve ended differently. After a few dozen years and countless miles it seemed that at least the road surface, the trail composition and the subtle whirr of the rubber was one of the few things that made sense. Easily comforted by time in the saddle, allowing the pedals to shut down/out a bit of the din. The bike made a complete circle, without it not much remained that kept things quiet.
My eyes slowly open, I move over to sorting my pile of clothes, checking to see if I have everything I need to get out of the house and on the bike at 5 am. 22 degrees as I walk out. It’s easy to plan on going, leaving a warm bed, guaranteed good coffee and easy morning rituals for a cold ride where I might T-bone an elk, moose or bear. My room temperature water bottle quickly freezes, matched by my toes and failing light.
Getting the pedals turning feels like riding thru water, like those MTB races we used to do with hub deep water crossings or the one in Quantico with 10 crossings a lap. The deepest was between waist & hub deep. Yozell did some damage that day. More damage than the Howitzer used as a starting gun.
Excited for sunrise as I’m falling asleep to April rain. Not something anywhere near common at 9700 ft. Living in a place where there has been measurable snow on every day on the calendar- it’s extraordinary to have rain in April. The peaks whose coverage has receded quickly will have a fresh blanket to show off as the sun comes up. Early light will more than make up for lack of sleep.
